Thursday, April 29, 2010

Best blog post ever- Love is in the Hair – Celebrating Black Love & Natural Hair

From Clutch Magazine- A feature on a blog post.
"In light of the recent negative media commentary concerning black women and
relationships, the creator of the website, Black Girl with Long Hair (a.k.a. BGLH), Leila Noelliste, decided to write a positive post on the subject. Her post consisted of a giveaway asking readers to submit photos of themselves with their significant other and, in keeping with the main theme of the site, their natural hair.

The response was overwhelming, hundreds of pictures (and counting) poured in from women as well as men – BGLH’s post was a success. "
Well over 100 submissions were received from black women, who happen to have natural hair, who are in happy relationships and marriages. All to win a vintage ring? I think not. These women have something to say. Don't believe the hype about the dismal love situation for black women. Love is alive and well for us. ♥!♥

Click here for the original post on Black Girl Long Hair and check out Black Love Poster for the entries that are STILL COMING in.

She also has a Flickr album where you can feel the love come through your screen in a slide show.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Have you found your soul mate? Or have you found a mate for your soul?

Have you found your soul mate? Or have you found a mate for your soul? I don't believe that there is just ONE person that is right for each of us, but rather that you can find they type of person and combination that can lead to longevity and mutual happiness. Unfortunatly, many people don't knwo what qualities to look for, and are not forthcoming wiht thier own qualities. That "fault" of yours may be endearing to the right mate. However, the idea of having a soul mate- and finding him, is soooo romantic and I would like to subscribe to it when I think about Fairsir. According to the 10 traits below, I've struck platinum.

10 indications that you may have found The One
dating expert Diana Kirschner, Ph.D.

If there are no perfect partners, how can you know whether to stay or go? Here are 10 relationship markers to help you know if he or she is The One:

  1. When you're together you feel like you've come home.
  2. You feel like your partnership was meant to be, as if kissed by destiny.
  3. In your communication with each other there is a rapid "knowing" of what each of you means.
  4. You have a shared mission in life, perhaps a cause, a career, or the creation of a family life.
  5. When you're together the world seems like a better place.
  6. Your mood is elevated when you're together. It's not necessarily passion or excitement, although that's there too at times.
  7. When you look at him/her you see a part of yourself that's been missing.
    Perhaps it's her assertiveness or his joy of adventure. But it's something that when added to your life, makes you feel more complete.
  8. Being together makes you more hopeful about the future you are creating.
  9. You can be more authentic and fully yourself around your partner.
  10. Being together makes each of you work harder on overcoming bad habits and becoming more loving people.

Don't worry if you don't feel all 10 of these things when you're with your partner. That's where the imperfection comes in -- either in you or your partner. If you are experiencing six or more of these markers, chances are you are matched well. Over time you can work towards having all of these qualities. Couples who have lasting love find that their relationships get closer and better over time. And that process has been my privilege and good fortune to experience personally -- after a lot of hard work that continues to this day!

Bottom line: your chances of finding The One are better than you think. So go out there and start looking. Love almost always comes in a surprise package that opens up in marvelous and magical ways.

Read the rest here>>

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Really Jill?

I mean... for real, for real Jill?

In an OpEd in Essence Magazine Jill says;

"We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a Black man even looked at a
White woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death. In the
midst of this, Black women and Black men struggled together, mourned together,
starved together, braved the hoses and vicious police dogs and died untimely on
southern back roads together. These harsh truths lead to what we really feel
when we see a seemingly together brother with a Caucasian woman and their
children. That feeling is betrayed. While we exert efforts to raise our sons and
daughters to appreciate themselves and respect others, most of us end up doing
this important work alone, with no fathers or like representatives, limited
financial support (often court-enforced) and, on top of everything else, an
empty bed. It’s frustrating and it hurts!

Our minds do understand that people of all races find genuine love in many places. We dig that the world is full of amazing options. But underneath, there is a bite, no matter the ointment, that has yet to stop burning. Some may find these thoughts to be hurtful. That is not my intent. I’m just sayin’."

I SOOooooo ditto this response post!

Now I love Jill Scott as much as anyone, but I found her statements sorely misguided. Although I can understand theoretically where she is coming from, on a visceral level I just can’t relate. My focus is just… elsewhere.

There’s something I’ve noticed about the natural community: A LOT of us are
married, engaged and/or dating! I have read/heard so many adorable love
stories on blogs, YouTube channels and Fotki pages — all featuring natural
black women as the central character. Some of my favorites are
Margaret, Sunshine, Turnergirl, Roshini and MrsBNL.

There has been debate over whether the percentage of married naturals
is higher than the percentage of married black women overall. I don’t know
the answer to that (though I’d place my bets on married naturals) but I have
found that generally speaking natural women are so preoccupied with their
own happiness and progress that they don’t care about what some triflin/uninterested black man — or any color man for that matter — is doing.

Read more:

I'd further wonder why any woman would focus on any man who is dating not only someone who is not you, but someone who is also unlike you. Why spend any energy at all wondering why that particular black man is dating who he's with, or why any other man is dating anyone at all who is not you. If you have got your mind right, you will attract that which appreciates your you-ness. Best thing to do is thus work on yourself to best attract what best fits for you. There is no need to feel any sort of way about a relationship that is not yours.