'No One's Gonna Love You' (Paul Epworth remix)

Wow dude.

An open letter? Slim Thug?

Not sure how I feel about Slim Thug's comments or about the open letter.

Slim Thug says:

"...Most single Black women feel like they don’t want to settle for less.
Their standards are too high right now. They have to understand that
successful Black men are kind of extinct. We’re important. It’s hard to find
us so Black women have to bow down and let it be known that they gotta start
working hard; they gotta start cooking and being down for they man more.
They can’t just be running around with their head up in the air and passing
all of us.

I have a brother that dates a White woman and he always be fucking with me about it saying, 'Y’all gotta go through all that shit [but] my White woman is fine. She don’t give me no problems, she do whatever I say and y’all gotta do all that arguing and fighting and worry about all this other shit.'..."

Marc Lamont Hill's Response here> An open letter to Slim Thug TheLoop21.com

I mean... the dude's name is "Slim Thug." I imagine a dude who is working hard to fill the prototypical shoes of his celebrity caricature would struggle to gain the deep rooted affection of a female who is not filling the shoes of his prototypical counterpart (let's call her woman A). And the woman who is his prototypical counterpart (woman B) doesn't have deep rooted affection to offer. She will never be down for any dude. She's playing the games and her anthem is "look at me" and "get money." And she may just write a book about you later Mr. Thugs.

The woman B, who is attracted to the cheddar he may/may not use as bait, is not a woman who is attracted to success, or even values success. Money and success ARE NOT THE SAME. A woman who is attracted to money will want a baller who makes it such that she don't have to do jack but look good and "perform" whatever... That woman has high standards for the type of life she desires- full of chilling, and shopping, and being fantabulously fly- getting over on a dude. If you are not the dude who can do that for her with your money (and the MOST money), Mr. Thugs, she is passing you by. And good riddance.

Likewise, women A, who IS attracted to success also has high standards. To her, your success is rooted in your happiness, your goals, your contribution to society and your presence as a joy in her life. Mr. Thug, your absentminded regurgitation of misogynist theme music and the gaggle of tempting grade B prototypes on your tail are not meeting her standards. Will you really be able to make her happy? Be with her? For real? Will you call her and be on time and respect her enough to gain her trust and loyalty? Maybe you can Mr. Thugs. Maybe you are a good man who wants what she wants. But she can't see you. Her standards are too high to see through your theme music.

So I mean, I am not mad at him.

I'm feeling bad that he's cloaked by his industry and his and his peers lyrics.

I'm feeling bad that type B women abound(!) and that many young black girls are now absentmindedly playing that theme music for thier own lives, collecting self fullfilling baggage and memories to make them jaded and distrustful of men for the rest of thier lives.

I'm feeling bad that there is a good guy in a club right now with the baller outfit on, who thinks he looks "successful" but doesn't have as big a watch on as the other baller, or his sneakers aren't the freshest thing out.

I feel bad that the grade B women are peeping him- making him feel sexy, but picking the other, bigger baller to expend their affections on.

I feel bad that at the same time, the grade A women are not peeping him because he's in a club and/or they see the baller outfit and the gaggle of B's they think he's after. He doesn't look successful to them.

And he's confused. And she's confused. Because he's not a baller, and he wants to be successfull, and she doesn't want a baller, she wants someone to love her.

Ask Men - Assessing Your Relationship's Value

Let me find out that I don't disagree with many of Ask Men's Articles...

Assessing Your Relationship's Value

"When you enter into a relationship, you expect it to last -- maybe even
for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, lifestyles change and so do people.
After a while, flaws and cracks inevitably start to show and you may find
yourself dedicating more and more time to relationship maintenance. At some
point, you may need to acknowledge the fact that your relationship no longer
suits your needs; it’s at this point that you need to assess your relationship’s
value.

In this way, a relationship can be a lot like a home: both are susceptible
to wear and tear and both require a certain amount of upkeep. How much work is
too much work, though? How do you know if your relationship just needs a little
renovation or if the whole thing should be condemned? To help you out, here's a
list of things you need to consider when assessing your relationship's
value."

Visit blog>>

Also check out thier list of Relationship Killers:

"As if getting through the early stages of dating without blowing it isn't enough, things don't get any easier from there on. A million things can still collide with an otherwise solid relationship and leave a couple wrenched in two.

Of course, many of these problems can be worked through, but deciding to deal with any relationship killers requires careful thought as to whether the relationship is worth the trouble or not. Sometimes, despite all the hard work getting there, it's best to just cut your losses and move on.

No one can list all the potential things that can screw up the course of true love, but we can give you a heads up on the most likely causes of coupledom death with these top 10 relationship killers."

Start with Number 10 >>

Best blog post ever- Love is in the Hair – Celebrating Black Love & Natural Hair

From Clutch Magazine- A feature on a blog post.

"In light of the recent negative media commentary concerning black women and
relationships, the creator of the website, Black Girl with Long Hair (a.k.a. BGLH), Leila Noelliste, decided to write a positive post on the subject. Her post consisted of a giveaway asking readers to submit photos of themselves with their significant other and, in keeping with the main theme of the site, their natural hair.

The response was overwhelming, hundreds of pictures (and counting) poured in from women as well as men – BGLH’s post was a success. "

Well over 100 submissions were received from black women, who happen to have natural hair, who are in happy relationships and marriages. All to win a vintage ring? I think not. These women have something to say. Don't believe the hype about the dismal love situation for black women. Love is alive and well for us. ♥!♥

Click here for the original post on Black Girl Long Hair and check out Black Love Poster for the entries that are STILL COMING in.

She also has a Flickr album where you can feel the love come through your screen in a slide show.

Have you found your soul mate? Or have you found a mate for your soul?

Have you found your soul mate? Or have you found a mate for your soul? I don't believe that there is just ONE person that is right for each of us, but rather that you can find they type of person and combination that can lead to longevity and mutual happiness. Unfortunatly, many people don't knwo what qualities to look for, and are not forthcoming wiht thier own qualities. That "fault" of yours may be endearing to the right mate. However, the idea of having a soul mate- and finding him, is soooo romantic and I would like to subscribe to it when I think about Fairsir. According to the 10 traits below, I've struck platinum.

10 indications that you may have found The One
By dating expert Diana Kirschner, Ph.D.

If there are no perfect partners, how can you know whether to stay or go? Here are 10 relationship markers to help you know if he or she is The One:

1. When you're together you feel like you've come home.
2. You feel like your partnership was meant to be, as if kissed by destiny.
3. In your communication with each other there is a rapid "knowing" of what each of you means.
4. You have a shared mission in life, perhaps a cause, a career, or the creation of a family life.
5. When you're together the world seems like a better place.
6. Your mood is elevated when you're together. It's not necessarily passion or excitement, although that's there too at times.
7. When you look at him/her you see a part of yourself that's been missing.
   Perhaps it's her assertiveness or his joy of adventure. But it's something that when added to your life, makes you feel more complete.
8. Being together makes you more hopeful about the future you are creating.
9. You can be more authentic and fully yourself around your partner.
10. Being together makes each of you work harder on overcoming bad habits and becoming more loving people.

Don't worry if you don't feel all 10 of these things when you're with your partner. That's where the imperfection comes in -- either in you or your partner. If you are experiencing six or more of these markers, chances are you are matched well. Over time you can work towards having all of these qualities. Couples who have lasting love find that their relationships get closer and better over time. And that process has been my privilege and good fortune to experience personally -- after a lot of hard work that continues to this day!

Bottom line: your chances of finding The One are better than you think. So go out there and start looking. Love almost always comes in a surprise package that opens up in marvelous and magical ways.

Read the rest here>>

Really Jill?

I mean... for real, for real Jill?

In an OpEd in Essence Magazine Jill says;

"We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a Black man even looked at a
White woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death. In the
midst of this, Black women and Black men struggled together, mourned together,
starved together, braved the hoses and vicious police dogs and died untimely on
southern back roads together. These harsh truths lead to what we really feel
when we see a seemingly together brother with a Caucasian woman and their
children. That feeling is betrayed. While we exert efforts to raise our sons and
daughters to appreciate themselves and respect others, most of us end up doing
this important work alone, with no fathers or like representatives, limited
financial support (often court-enforced) and, on top of everything else, an
empty bed. It’s frustrating and it hurts!

Our minds do understand that people of all races find genuine love in many places. We dig that the world is full of amazing options. But underneath, there is a bite, no matter the ointment, that has yet to stop burning. Some may find these thoughts to be hurtful. That is not my intent. I’m just sayin’."

I SOOooooo ditto this response post!

Now I love Jill Scott as much as anyone, but I found her statements sorely misguided. Although I can understand theoretically where she is coming from, on a visceral level I just can’t relate. My focus is just… elsewhere.

There’s something I’ve noticed about the natural community: A LOT of us are
married, engaged and/or dating! I have read/heard so many adorable love
stories on blogs, YouTube channels and Fotki pages — all featuring natural
black women as the central character. Some of my favorites are Margaret, Sunshine, Turnergirl, Roshini and MrsBNL.

There has been debate over whether the percentage of married naturals
is higher than the percentage of married black women overall. I don’t know
the answer to that (though I’d place my bets on married naturals) but I have
found that generally speaking natural women are so preoccupied with their
own happiness and progress that they don’t care about what some triflin/uninterested black man — or any color man for that matter — is doing.

Read more: http://bglhonline.com/2010/04/we-are-loved/

I'd further wonder why any woman would focus on any man who is dating not only someone who is not you, but someone who is also unlike you. Why spend any energy at all wondering why that particular black man is dating who he's with, or why any other man is dating anyone at all who is not you. If you have got your mind right, you will attract that which appreciates your you-ness. Best thing to do is thus work on yourself to best attract what best fits for you. There is no need to feel any sort of way about a relationship that is not yours.

Black Marriage Day

I love this idea. I hope that you married couples out there celebrate your love on Sunday, and every day. Never forget how fortunate you are to have met your husband or wife.

---

Press Release:

For Immediate Release
Contact: Jamil Muhammad 202-557-8299

Black Marriage Day 2010 will celebrate its eighth year of Black Marriage Day activities in cities across the country with the release of two marriage-themed films as part of this year’s Black Marriage Day observance Sunday, March 28, 2010.

Black Marriage Day is a marriage education initiative promoting the benefits of marriage in the Black community created by Nisa Muhammad, Executive Director of Wedded Bliss Foundation, Inc., 236 Massachusetts Ave. NE, Suite 610, Washington, DC.

Dallas, Atlanta, Chicago, Philadelphia, and Washington, DC, will be the focus of marriage vow renewals reaffirming the power of marriage to celebrate the release of Tyler Perry’s latest film, “Why Did I Get Married Too?” Local pastors will officiate vow renewals, radio stations plan to broadcast and give away Tyler Perry DVDs and promotional items. One lucky couple in each city will also receive a free trip to the Bahamas.

“You Saved Me” features candid looks inside the hardships and trials of relationships and what is required to sustain them. Filmmakers Lamar and Ronnie Tyler bring five real married couples to the screen who show how marriage has a direct impact on their lives. This film will debut in 25 cities around the country.

Black Marriage Day founder Nisa Muhammad will lead a post-screening panel discussion featuring the filmmakers and marriage educator Jewell Powell, author of the faith-based “Marriage 101”, when the thought provoking movie debuts in Washington, DC, on Sunday, March 28, 2010, Black Marriage Day 2010. For more information about “You Saved Me” events, go to: http://www.blackmarriageday.com/.

Dozens of local sponsors in cities across the nation plan to also host Black Marriage Day 2010 celebrations. Since 2003, hundreds of local sponsors in cities large and small have hosted a Black Marriage Day event including: Tom Thumb weddings, marriage-themed contests for teens, workshops, conferences, Date Nights for singles considering marriage, community banquets, religious services and inductions into Marriage Halls of Fame for longtime married couples. Local, state and Congressional representatives have regularly issued proclamations celebrating marriage in the Black community.

“This year the passion for celebrating Black Marriage Day is bigger and better than ever,” Muhammad said. “Marriage matters to the Black community, and we want everyone to know.”
For more information, visit: http://www.blackmarriageday.com/.

Little Freak

Was listening to that new Usher song Little Freak, and that ish is pretty nice. The beat is fires and the way Usher is humming out his lyrics over the bridge is glorious. The Stevie song they sampled from is genius too. Don't sleep.

Then Fair Lady and I got to talking about the lyrics. And omg, do you hear what they are talking about? No? Take a gander:

If you're fu**ing with me
Really fu**ing with me you go get some girls and bring them to me
if you fu**in with me
Really fu**ing with me you let her put her hands in your pants
be my little freak
be my little freak
be my little freak
you let her put her hands in your pants
be my little freak
if you fu**in with me
Really fu**ing with me
you let her put her hands in your pants
be my little freak

Not against homosexual relationships or anything. In fact, all love is beautiful. But when did it become a plus that a potential female partner also likes women? If that’s your preference and everything, more power to you. But if you are straight and think that getting freaky with another woman will help you get close to Usher or some other man? That ish is not cute. What is going on in the world today?